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Seven Reasons Why Women "Hookup"
Much has been said about the "hooking up" social phenomenon currently taking place among young(er) people in our time, particularly as it relates to the American college campus social life. For those who may not be aware, hooking up is, simply put, short-term mating, ranging from anything involving simply kissing and fondling/feeling up someone you've just met, all the way up to, and including, having sexual intercourse, again, with someone you've just recently met. In the Black community, among its young(er) people, both on the college campus and perhaps in some ways, especially off it, hooking up takes on another moniker: "just kickin' it".
While a tremendous amount has been written about the matter, usually from those who are upset that Women's long(er) term mating goals are being thwarted by the hooking up scourge, and often "blames" the puerile sexual interests of Men for it, this article will attempt to approach the matter from another angle - the female one. After all, as the old saying goes, it does take two to tango -- and if Women simply weren't down to hookup, it wouldn't happen -- and we all know that's not true, despite claims on the part of those who are, to varying degrees, "anti-hooking up". At the end of the day, and no matter how one wishes to slice it, the bottomline is that there are indeed quite a few ladies in our time, who are willing to hookup.
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What hasn't really been examined in the ongoing hooking up discussion/debate, is WHY?
Hookup Culture On Campus
The American college campus environment, though it does have its limitations, nevertheless also offers many opportunities to observe many sociosexual behaviors and confirms many of the insights gleaned from EvoPsych -- for one thing, nowhere else is there such a broad defacto mating ground for younger people, and especially for younger Women, who are at the peak of their sexual/reproductive attractiveness/power. This article will attempt to apply some of those insights as they directly bear on the topic of hooking up, and why Women continue to do it.
In his classic work, The Evolution of Desire, Prof. David Buss devotes an entire chapter to "hooking up", called simply, Casual Sex; Buss examines what he calls "The Hidden Side Of Women's Short Term Sexuality" (beginning on pp. 86) -- which strikes right at the heart of the "hooking up" phenomenon as it applies to the current day college campus environment when you think about it. Simply put, Buss argues quite persuasively, that in order to "hookup", WOMEN HAVE TO BE WILLING -- and in order for Women to be willing, THEY HAVE TO GET SOME BENEFIT(S) FROM HOOKING UP.
Think about it. It may be disconcerting to fathom for some, but it makes perfect sense nevertheless.
Here's what Buss presents as seven possible reasons as to WHY Women, over the course of evolutionary history, might have (and continue to) "hooked up":
Immediate Resources And Compatibility
- Immediate Access To Resources:It ain't just hookers, whores and escorts who put out for pay. Don't take my word for it, checkout "My Secret Life", a Victorian-era diary believed to be written by Henry Spencer Ashbee.Of all the Women he lays in his sprawling multi-volume work, the vast majority he discusses are Women who are NOT whores. They are regular working class Women of the day, who accepted gifts of money and other baubles, for putting out.
Now -- how does this relate to our college campus example? This is a very important question, because we often do not think of Women making such stark cost/benefit calculations in such a naked manner. But, keep in mind please, that the sex business is not unknown to the college set. In fact, quite a few Women have been known to put themselves through college, by working in the various aspects of the sex business -- either as pole/lap dancers, phone sex operators, erotica models, and in some cases, outright porn actresses. Then there are at least a handful who have done escorting work, which would have included sex, at least some of the time.
Ask yourself -- are you 100% certain that NONE of the ladies you've known to have attended college -- and in Black America, that's saying quite a few -- have, and would, never do any of these things? And if so, on what basis? What independently verifable evidence do we have, that says otherwise?
No -- all Women are NOT like that -- Ashbee proves this quite a bit in his diary, as quite a few of the ladies he approached, wasn't down to put out on the quiet for a crown or two -- but the point is made. At least as many Women he approached DID -- and a key factor in them giving it up, were his higher status, his persistence, his offer of immediate resources, AND HIS WILLINGNESS TO KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT. From an evolutionary standpoint, and under the right conditions, it would make perfect sense for a Woman to "hookup" for this reason alone -- because Women know and understand, that what they have between their thighs is a fungible resource.
But all the above aside, and focusing more tightly on our college campus scenario, consider the Woman who hooks up with a prominent Man on campus -- say, a NFL or NBA prospect. She stands to benefit quite a bit from being in his stable -- all kinds of perks and resources could come her way if she could insinuate herself sexually into his inner circle. Think about it.
- Mate Sexual Compatibility Assessment:"Hooking up" gives a Woman the chance to see what a Man is really made of, in ways that she can't do by mere traditional dating/courting alone, especially at a time when the old rules of engagement no longer apply. Most importantly, it gives her the chance to see if he's sexually/biochemically compatible, among other things, if they "fit" right, and if he's attentive to her needs.This is huge, especially for the female, who incurs tremendous costs for having sex, and especially for bearing a child or children within the context of a bad marriage/union; therefore, putting out early would by a very good way to circumvent any problems that could crop up from getting with the wrong guy for the long-term.
What does this have to do with our college campus example? Well, to ask the question, is to answer it: EVERYTHING. Think about it -- Women intuitively understand, that the college years, and this includes grad school, will probably be the most "Man-rich" years of their entire mating lives, which itself is short when compared to Men's -- easily, several decades shorter. It would then make perfect sense to "put out" fairly quickly to the Men who passed her initial trials, so she could assess whether they were sexually compatible for the long(er) term -- even if said "longer term" was only over the length of the college years. Think of the costs a Woman incurs by NOT putting out fairly quickly for the Men she has selected -- anything she might value, other Women might value, too (which brings up yet another reason why Women might have an interest in hooking up -- female competition for mates) -- and could beat her to the punch. On the college campuses that is our "fishbowl" we're examining here, competition for mates is high. A Woman would be wise to put out after securing early signs of a favored guy's interest.
- Securing "Special Friends"/Having A "Plan B Guy":From an evolutionary standpoint, it would make sense for a Woman to hookup, either for protection from other males, and/or in case her current mate situation drastically changes.Women in our time may deplore the tactics on the part of some Men to "always have two in the kitty", but human evolutionary history shows and proves that it ain't just Men who do this. Perhaps that's why it so bothers a goodly number of Women -- because they would intuitively know something about it?
Think about it -- rape, is said to be pretty high on campus; this is from the mouths of the Feminist Lobby themselves, right? In fact, this is even higher in situations like frat parties and so on, where lots of drinking and/or drugs are being used. Single Women in such an environment are at a serious disadvantage to be taken advantage of by said frat brothers. On the other hand, Women who are already "taken" -- and by the upper echelons of the fraternity brothers at that, can and most likely will afford formidable protection from unwanted approaches, and worse. It would make perfect sense for a Woman to scan the available Men, select the best she can attract from among them, and then put out to secure his protection - which can be as simple as him merely being in her presence, while also in the presence of other males -- as fellow JFG team member HanSolo has previously discussed in a guest post at my blog, The Obsidian Files, such a short term mating strategy on the part of a Woman would prove to be a powerful deterrent to unwanted suitors. Given what we know occurs on the modern day college campus -- hooking up would make perfect sense for this reason alone. Women who have male protectors make out a lot better, than Women who do not.
- To Get Rid Of An Existing Boyfriend:Since we all know that Men loathe and abhor sexual disloyalty in their Women, Women would have evolved a way to use this in order to end a bad relationship.
Bringing this to our college campus example, consider the possibility that a Woman could hookup in order to break things off with her boyfriend, with whom things just haven't been going well. She may get with a guy at a popular hangout or frat party, etc, where she knows she will be seen making out with another guy, and the news will be certain to get back to her current boyfriend. It's a risky gambit, but the risks of staying in what she considers to be a bad relationship may be higher in her mind. Cheating on a Man is one of the surefire ways to end a relationship, from a male standpoint. Then, she can bring in "Plan B Guy" from above, either the guy she was making out/having sex with, or another guy entirely. Think about it...
- "Sexy Sons"/Good Genes:We've discussed this before, so no need to retread old ground, and to be fair, this reason has little direct applicability to the college campus scenario we're assessing in this post.
However, it ISsomething to consider once we leave the campus environment, as the Women there go out into the wider world, or, as we consider those Women for whom college wasn't a factor in their overall life plans up to that point. - Elevation Of Social Status/Mate Value:A Woman can use the short-term hookup mating strategy to elevate her own social status and by extension mate value, by putting out for a higher status Man -- a major lure to hookup in the first place.By doing this, she can have access to said Alpha Male's social circle and environment, positioning herself to be able to secure another high level mate from said stratosphere.
Think about it -- as I've said before, competition on the modern day college campus is fierce, especially when it comes to Women searching for all or most of the traits most desired in Men. Lots of Women intuitively know they have no real chance at locking down Mr. Big Man on Campus -- but -- what they can do, is use that brief liason as a jumping off point with which to attract other high level guys in his social cirlce. Maybe not Mr. Big himself, but definitely a cut above the schlubby dudes on campus in the CompSci building. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised one little bit if indeed this particular strategy alone accounted for a sizable number of hookups.
- Self-Esteem:Elsewhere in TEOD, toward the end of the book in a chapter entitled "Women's Hidden Sexual Strategies", Buss gives us our seventh, and final reason, as to why Women might consider a short-term mating strategy, aka, "hooking up":
"Our fourth study revealed a hidden benefit of women's affairs -- a boost to women's self-esteem. We asked 53 women to rate how beneficial each of 81 potential benefits would be if they were received from an affair partner...
Why would these self-esteem benefits loom so large in women's affairs? Self-esteem is multifaceted and undoubtedly serves many functions. One function may be linked to mate-switching. Over the long course of a mateship that has grown stale with boredom, the sudden surge in self-esteem a woman draws from another sex partner is like a wonder drug. It tells her that she is desirable, intelligent, interesting, and sexy. It fills her with optimism that there are better partners out there. It gives her the confidence to jettison an existing mate. It gives her the power to risk leaving the security blanket of a current relationship and throw herself back into the mating market." (pp. 239)
Now, applying the above quotes to our current discussion, consider the interesting case of one Ms. Karen Owen, of Duke University. A few years back, Ms. Owen burst onto the national scene, when a Powerpoint presentation of all her various hookups went viral and made its way onto the frontpages of many of the day's biggest news websites. Speculation was rampant as to why Ms. Owen would even do such a thing to begin with; I submit to you, dear reader, that at least one reason, could indeed be the tremendous boost in self-esteem Ms. Owen received, from being able to hookup with so many Men. Doing so would, to her mind at least, confirm her self of self as desirable and wanted. After all, note what Buss said above -- "a wonder drug" -- and it could be possible that one reason why Ms. Owen had so many hookup lovers, was due to this "overdosing" on the emotional self-esteem "shots" she got by getting with guy after guy.
Status, Competition And Female Strategy
So, just from Buss' one chapter on the question of casual mating, and the HIDDEN reasons WHY WOMEN engage in it, we have at least five out of seven reasons that directly bear on our college campus example -- and, once we move beyond that environment, we have seven for seven(!). These reasons are deeply profound, because, when you really sitdown and think about it, said Women ARE indeed, "hooking up smart" -- informed by millions of years of human evolutionary history. Think about it.
As always, a few comments of caution are in order: one, ALL Women are NOT "like that" -- it may be trite, but it's true nevertheless -- and it would be folly to approach the matter as if all Women were indeed "like that". Two -- it is entirely possible, and I say likely, for a Woman to hookup, on the campus or off, not just for any of reason listed above, but for any number of reasons listed above -- in order words, she may hookup for many different reasons per the list above. This is very important to consider, and which always reminds us of the intricate complexity of our evolved sexual psychology, the need for us to appreciate that, and the need to resist the urge to oversimplify all of this.
On a campus where competition for mates is high, these strategies shape how women navigate short-term and long-term options, how they choose which men to prioritize, and how they respond to the broader sexual marketplace. That competition, and the drive to stand out and attract higher-value partners, is exactly why so many women look for ways to impress smart beautiful men just as men work to impress them.
Hooking Up As An Evolved Strategy
In my next article, I will explain how "hooking up" applies to life beyond the college campus, and what benefits Women who engage in same may derive from it. Stay tuned.