Aula virtual do CFR de Ferrol
12 Things Dull People Do That Make Them Boring
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Boring people.
I don’t know what’s worse- being within close enough proximity to them to be trapped and lured into their own personal twilight zone full of dried up white dog crap no one gives a damn about, or drilling screws through the soles of my feet. Sadly, I almost cease wanting to get down with the drilling more than I want to engage in their would-be antics. Almost.
1) They try to deliver the punch lines off the script of their favorite movies in a way that is so off-key and beaten to death that it sucks beyond recognition.
We’ve heard you time and time again repeat the same hackneyed material from American Pie I & II. And each time, it’s like listening to grandma tell us how she struggled with scrubbing the Polygrip off her dentures this morning. C’mon! Leave it up to the Eddie Murphys of the world and stop acting the fool. Either come up with something new and original and work on your pathetic delivery or cork up your pie hole. We still haven’t listened to your garbage since the last few hundred times you got it wrong.
2) They try to sound fascinating by professing their interest in boring things they somehow believe people think are cool.
Your interest in quantum time travel, that Air Supply concert you went to back in ’86, the color paint you used on the baseboards in your bathroom, and your philosophy behind the correct way to peel the shells off of hard-boiled eggs spells out for us one thing only: BORING.
3) They tell a story with absolutely no depth or meaning while struggling to get to the point (if there even is one).
I once attempted a conversation about sex with a girl I used to work with. Normally, this is an easy avenue for a titillating discussion with just about anybody. She wanted my opinion (at least that’s what I think she wanted) on why her boyfriend likes to rub her (insert expletive here) and how his ex-girlfriend is a dead lay and doesn’t know how to cook. I was waiting earnestly for her to ask me a question or come up with a point as she bounced around from one incoherent thing to the next. It should go without saying but- Follow through with a point! If you don’t have one, GET ONE or stop wasting our precious time. We steadily burn up scores of brain cells in agony over whether or not your boring story has one and whether and not we’re going to live long enough to hear it.
4) They spend all of their waking hours watching television.
I’m convinced people do this because they thoroughly lack enough imagination to live an actively engaging life of their own. I’m not opposed to watching television but when every other activity you pursue is only out of sheer obligation, that’s just too much. If you’d rather park your rear end in front of the TV and put off bathing, brushing your teeth and changing your drawers, you’ve got problems.
5) They talk about themselves CONSTANTLY.
“Hey everyone, guess what? I am waaaay more important, exciting, stylish, perfect and fabulous than you are. And so are my husband, my dog, my kids, and my BFF forever. And in case you didn’t know already, I’m so very special.”
Who the hell cares? None of us are in any hurry to hitch ourselves your self-absorbed chuck wagon full of mindless crap and take a trip touring the all too familiar and uninteresting countryside starring “you”. In fact, we’d actually be more pleased if you chucked your wagon off the side of a steep cliff. Get effing lost lady.
6) They talk about their unmentionables at the most inappropriate times.
Which usually constitutes any damned time of the day, week, month or year they feel like discussing it. They are more than happy to oblige you with colorful tales of their embarrassing cheese allergy that causes explosive diarrhea, their 10-year case of incurable dandruff, and the varicose veins under the folds of their rear end. Is there ever a time when these things are considered a great conversation piece? NO!!! Keep it to yourself! We’d like to get through lunch sometime this afternoon without provoking our gag-reflex.
7) They don’t actively engage in conversation, which involves actually listening.
This one is often in direct relation to #5. They talk way more than they listen. If there was ever a finishing school that teaches people proper social etiquette while simultaneously flipping their emotional IQ score of 0 to 100, these idiots ought to be the first in line. Heck, they should be given a free pass and a complimentary toaster. But since there isn’t such a place, I guess we’ll have to let these people hang around and continue being completely useless.
8) They agree with everything you say because they truly have no opinion of their own.
You could tell them Neil Armstrong’s land on the moon is the absolute cause of world hunger and poverty and they’d nod in consensus with you in a drumbeat. Form your own opinion already or most of us are going to think you’re made up of less than the material required to form a piece of earthenware clay. Unless that’s unimportant to you and it’s actually what you’re aiming for, then by all means, keep agreeing.
9) They insist on letting you in on every little insignificant detail of their day.
Hearing about you listening to your favorite Michael Bolton song on the radio and suddenly jumping off the couch when the phone rang because it was your aunt Helen calling from Wichita is enough to force us want to go find a field of landmines to play in. Yes, pondering our own possibly violent death is actually more appealing than listening to your mile long string of worthless drivel. Do us a favor and talk about something else. Spare us from contemplating our own mortality because that isn’t very much fun either.
10) They laugh too hard at their own dry jokes and think they are the funniest thing to come down the pike since Benny Hill.
Boring person: “Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive…’ Get it? Positive? ROTFLMAO!!”
You: **Crickets**
Need I say more?
11) They complain, complain and complain some more.
I don’t know why but they cannot seem to open their mouths for a second without whining about their crummy job, their crummy car, and their crummy life. Save it, really. We already know all about it because you tell us every single day. Give us a ring when the situation gets better. We look forward to never hearing from you again.
12) They speak in a monotone voice.
How the hell are we supposed to know how to feel about how you’re feeling when you don’t feel like showing us how you feel (a boring person should try saying this out loud 5 times fast)? When your voice sounds less chipper than that of Ben Stein doing Clear Eyes, it’s time for a tune up. A monotone voice is like Hollywood actresses using too much botox- when their faces don’t move, they don’t move us. Get a personality or get out. We just want some substance sometime this century.
Stay tuned for this list flipped over to reveal “12 Things Fun People Do That Make Them Interesting”. In the meantime, feel free to add to this list…..